party aftermath. i really tried my best. and i think thats very important. i definitely want my friends to know that i didn't want things to turn out how it turned out. it was very messy but i tried to stay cool. put yourself in my shoes and you will learn that it isn't easy hosting a party. there's a lot more shit than meets the eye. i think the least i would except is for my close friends to stand by me no matter what the outcome. unfortunately that didn't happen either. but im thankful that at least there was a handful who stuck by me through it all. you guys know who you are and i want you all to know that i really treasure each and every single of you.
been doing some reflections of late. everything's been pretty down at the moment. drift away. this is the countless time that i've mentioned this but im going to say it anyway. friends are of paramount importance in my life. i go all the way out for my friends. like 110% effort kinda thing. in fact if i divert the focus and energy i have for my friends towards my studies, i'll ace my exams. i spend most of my money on friends instead of myself. im really quite a simple person and i don't see the need to splurge on myself. i always feel that as long as my friends are happy i'll be very satisfied because i really love the feeling of being able to make someone's day turn out better. sadly, kindness doesn't pay. people step over me. people take full advantage. and i realised who are the ones who really gave a fcuk about me before/during/after the party. fair weather friends. i have started to see some people in a different light already. but i guess its better sooner than later. we all learn from mistakes. actions speak louder than words. you can sweet talk but your actions will give you away. i dare to say that im good natured, at least thats what all my friends tell me. but please do not take me for granted. im human too and i have feelings. lots of it in fact. and do not make use of me because i can read people damn accurately.
relationships are temporary, friendships are forever.
its been getting harder and harder for me to express myself properly of late. i used to be a talking machine. i used to have no problems letting everything out, till the extent where my friends have to remind me to keep quiet. perhaps im just influenced by the fact that sometimes keeping it in is better than letting it out. letting things out just complicates matters and create more misunderstandings. or maybe i know that after saying everything out, it will still end up at square one. so why waste my time saying it when i should just play ignorant and let the dust settle.
btw this is not a self pity entry. i don't except people to come consoling me, cheering me up, blah blah blah. damage done. too late. pick me up when im falling. not when im already in the pits.
clubbing over the weekend. somehow i seem to have lost interest in clubbing. yupp u heard me right. it just isn't special anymore. i guess company is really important when it comes to clubbing. again it associates back to the fact that friends are the most important in my life. just below parents. there's just too much shit that goes on in clubs. and it doesn't help that i get reminded of my party everytime im in a club. fri @ zouk. last night @ liquid room. nothing memorable to note.
on a side note, my grandfather passed away last night. guess its gonna be a long week ahead for me...
scribbled @ 1:26 PM
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